You say "Earthquake", I say "Icebreaker"!

In my last post I waxed lyrical about being the world's worst correspondent.
This is not the most desirable trait for a girl who has many friends living Far, Far Away. And the longer I go without contacting someone, the guiltier I feel, and the harder it becomes to reach out.
I mean, mawkish apologies are just NOT a sexy way to start a conversation.

Happily, every now and then, the universe lends a hand!

Yesterday, in Gyeongju, South Korea, there were two earthquakes.
No, no! Stay with me! I'm not a total monster! For starters, no one was seriously injured.
The first  quake was a 5.1 and the second, less than an hour later, was a 5.8.
I can hardly stress enough how unusual this is. Korea is not in a traditional earthquake zone and in the five years that I lived there, there was nary a tremor.
Well, not strictly true. Three years ago there were two small quakes, but I missed those ones as well, as I was in Ireland at the time.

(Gasp!) Wait! Is that it?! - Is Korea having withdrawal symptoms whenever I leave the country?!

But I digress.
Gyeongju, the epicenter, is only an hour north of Ulsan, my old hometown, and two hours north of Busan, another city chock full of friends and acquaintances.
So when we got the news, Ms.Amused and I grabbed this golden opportunity with both hands and lit up Facebook Messenger and KakaoTalk with concerned enquiries.

Depending on our target audience, the messages ranged in sensitivity from:

"Honey are you ok? You're apartment is quite high up, I hope it wasn't too scary!"

to

"Hey bro, you still alive?"

Admittedly, we're not going to be nominated for a Booker Prize anytime soon, but we had been granted a conversational opening and we ran with it.

Contact initiated! All systems are go!

So the moral of today's story is: "Keep watching the news, kids! You never know when you'll be handed the perfect excuse to reach out and call someone!"

Memento Vitae

A few days ago, Ms. Amused and I were talking about one of the hardest parts of being an ex-pat, returned or otherwise - missing our friends who are scattered all over the globe.  I also took the opportunity to admit to being the world's worst correspondent. Honestly, if it wasn't for Facebook, most of my friends would be forgiven for thinking me deceased! Ms. Amused also copped to being a less than exemplary pen pal. (I do so love not being alone in the error of my ways!) However, we also acknowledged that part of the reason why we are so bad at contacting our distant friends is that we miss them so damn much that it hurts.
When I am not messaging you, it's pretty much because this Cowardly Lion is desperately trying to deny how much I miss you. And God forbid that I should find out that you are going through a hard time and I can't be there to hug you and bake you brownies!!

While all these thoughts were percolating through my brain, I re-read an old post by Starry Eyed Travels about her favourite travel souvenirs.
She has some lovely ones, which now decorate her home with memories of past adventures. After reading her post, I looked around my room with fresh eyes and realized that most of my mementos are not really of places themselves, but rather treasured keepsakes of the friends I made in those places.  I think this is a natural result of the fact that I was in Korea long term, rather than passing through. What I collected were the trappings of daily life, the more interesting ones were gifts from friends and students.
 
I have some pieces of jewelry which originally belonged to my favourite Diva and to Lush.
I find myself wearing them on the days when I am particularly missing them.
I have a pair of earrings that I bought at the Busan Foreigner Market from the talented Joshua Weaver.
I need to constantly remind myself of this fact, because whenever I catch sight of them, I think, "Aw! Those are the earrings that F.D.A bought me!"
Except that she didn't - but they are soooooo incredibly her style that I constantly and automatically give her the credit.
Hanging beside those earrings are a pair that African Queen actually did buy me, as a birthday present, for a birthday that we celebrated upstairs in the Golden Eagle Pub in Ulsan, followed, natch, by the obligatory and awesome noraebang session.  Good times.
(And just this morning I came across the birthday card too!)

 

 The silver ring in the photo is a thumb ring which I wear every single day, without fail. It is one of a pair of rings, the other is worn by the darling Ji Won, my Korean niece.  Every night when I take it off, it goes into this beautiful silver jewelry case, which was painted by Ji Won's mum, my Korean Unni (big sister).

Every few months in Korea, my Dinner Club crew would have a clothes swap night. (a necessary event when you are foreigners in a country with clothes shops for tiny people.)  The sweaters I have from those nights are like wearable hugs from my Dinner Club girls.

There is a photo collage which Doc Doolittle made for me, to wish me luck before O'GradyLady's first market.  And there is an incredibly adorable O'GradyLady poster which Cheong Soon also made for my markets.

 

On one of my bookshelves there sits a wooden framed, Japanese picture and a beautiful blue ceramic dish (where I stow my car keys), which Renee brought me back as a thank you for pet sitting her hamster. To the left of this hangs a ticket for a music festival that I went to with Judd.  The adorable squirrels are hand made felt creations from Cheong Soon, and the origami crab was given to me by the proprietor of a crab restaurant in Osaka, where Lush and I had an EPIC crab feast while on holiday there.  The yellow Domo Kun pencil case was a birthday present from Tonny, given while I was going through a short, yet intense, obsession with the Japanese cartoon character.

On the shelf above, the snake and the jolly pig are souvenirs of day trips with Lush and Ms.Amused, while the photo of Natalya and I is part of a photo album that Natalya made for me as my farewell gift.

I have come be deeply grateful to have such things strewn around my walls and shelves, but I also got to thinking about the marks that my friends have left, on me.

Every morning when I brush my teeth, I wait 15 minutes before eating my breakfast, because twenty odd years ago, my beloved Cled told me that was good for my enamel. I have had this habit for so long now that it has sunk into my bones.

When I indulge myself in a full on Korean skin care regime I remember learning this whole process at a slumber party with all the Dinner Club girls at Amanda's apartment - so now Amanda is with me whenever I apply three different kinds of moisturiser. (or drink craft beer - another of her many talents!)

When I make a cup of instant coffee, I splash cold water over the granules before adding the boiling water, to avoid burning the grounds and making the coffee taste bitter.  This was a tip that Goulash taught me, so now, every time I make a cup of instant coffee, I remember Goulash.

Whenever I drink Joheun Day Soju, (frankly, the best soju there is!) I remember eating samgyupsal at the best joint in Ulsan with Ellen and Alex.
[speaking of.... I'm down to my last bottle. Help! somebody send me some!!]

Last month I re-read the book 'Good Omens' and it brought Jessykat so strongly to mind, it was as if she was sitting and reading in the very next room.

Yesterday, while driving my car I heard 'Kiss from a Rose' on the radio, and I flashed back to dancing around a dining room with my friend Nuala.

I bought this memo board intending to go all 'The Secret' and create a vision board, but instead it quickly evolved into a 'Who Loves Ya Baby!' board. Much more fun.

This post is incredibly long and rambling, I know, and I'm sorry. I have mentioned as many people as I can, but it would be impossible to get everyone, though like a good Oscar speech I am trying to cram in as many names as possible.

What I am trying, so desperately, to convey, is the heartfelt message that I am genuinely sorry for being such a crap correspondent, but please know that you are always in my thoughts. 

I bring you with me through all my days. You have shaped the very person that I am.

To steal a line from 'Wicked', "Your hand prints are on my heart. You have changed me for the good."

Sky Lanterns and Polo Biscuits

I've been thinking a lot about death rituals recently.
I promise you, this is not remotely as EMO or morbid as it sounds - merely further proof that I have inherited Dad's insatiable curiosity about EVERYTHING.

We have been enjoying a delightful spell of most un-Irish weather (i.e dry), so Mum, Ms. Amused and I have spent the last several days out in the garden, doing a major spring clean.  The hours of manual labour have given me plenty of time for reflection, and as this week is the third anniversary of Dad's death, it's only natural I suppose, that I have been looking back on the anniversaries that I marked in Korea and comparing them to this year's experience.

I have been repeating ad nauseum for the last five years that the Irish and Korean cultures are ridiculously alike, and one of these endless points of intersection is how both countries deal with death and funerals. Now, while Koreans don't get comfy round the corpse the way we do, (then again, who does?) they match us point for point when it comes to eating, drinking and telling stories, and also in the fact that if you knew the deceased at all, or any of the family members, you go to the funeral - no invitations needed.

As Dad's first anniversary approached, I was feeling nervous about how I would handle it, so far from my family and everyone who knew him.
Two things helped me through:
One - my amazing, fantastic and simply heaven sent ex-pat family. They didn't know Dad, but they knew and loved me and they way they gathered round and nurtured me just blew me away.

Two - The Korean tradition of 'Jaesa'.  On the anniversary of the person's death, the family set up a table of food for a memorial ceremony. (More about this in a later post) Of course, not being a Korean, I wasn't going to set up a Jaesa table, but it was such a comfort to have a short hand for talking about my Dad's  anniversary.  With my Korean friends I only needed to say that "Sunday will be my Dad's first Jaesa." and they immediately understood that this weekend would be tough for me and that I wanted to take some time out to do something to remember Dad.

In Ireland, the whole family would go to a Mass offered in Dad's name, then we would visit the grave and go back to the house for food.
In Korea, I had to get a little creative and I hit on the idea of sending up Sky Lanterns.  My darling friend Dr. Doolittle met a guy outside McDonnells and bought a pack of ten.  Then I started to fret whether or not I needed an official permit.  Happily, that was sorted out in no time. I reached out to an Elder Lemon in the ex-pat community, who put me in touch with the Foreign Liaison Officer with Ulsan police.  Who not only gave me the necessary permission, but even offered the roof of the police station as a venue.
Part of me regrets that I didn't accept the invitation, as I know that Dad would have gotten a huge kick out of it, but it was the first anniversary and I was feeling vulnerable, so I wanted to keep it private.

So instead, Dr. Doolittle and her boyfriend, with FDA and I, drove out to Jinha Beach just after sunset to startle some seagulls.

 

   




It was different and intimate and exactly what I needed.  AND, thanks to the magic of time zones, I was sending up the lanterns at the same time that the family were gathering back in Ireland.

This year, for the first time, I was marking the anniversary at home, with the whole family.... in fact, with the whole village.  It was wonderful to fall back into the utterly familiar process. It started with Maura in the Post Office, who remembered that it was Dad's anniversary, then it was the folk group at Mass, who gave me the space to sing Dad's favourite hymn. It was all the aunts and uncles and cousins, who gathered to mark the day with us.
It was going home afterwards to a feed which included Dad's favourite biscuits, Jacob's Chocolate Polos.

         
 It was just so good to be home for it all.

Feckin February! - The Long Goodbye

I'm looking down the barrel of the last week of what has been a real bitch of a month.
As an english teacher in Korea, February and August are the months you brace yourself for.  These are the two months when contracts end and newly minted friends strike out for distant shores.

I got off lightly last February as the vast majority of my friends signed up for a second year.  On the flip side however, this has left me a little more vulnerable this time around, as the same friends have had an extra year to burrow further into my heart and so the seperation will cut that much deeper.

Here's where being an ex pat gives farewells an extra bit of a kick.  In a nutshell, for the most part our relationships here in Korea are a bit like ships passing in the night.

It just happens to be a reeeeeaally long night!

We both come from different places and will part to move on to new and still more different places.
Saying goodbye to my friends back home is difficult, yes,....but in a way that I can't express at all well, it is difficult only because I miss them.

What I mean is, my 'Home' friends are tried and tested. We have already survived seperations and reunions.  Emotionally speaking, they will stay where I 'put them'.
With my 'Korea' friends I don't always have that security blanket.  The intentions are there, God knows! But are our foundations deep enough? Will it survive the distance, the new, unshared experiences and, let's face it, my abysmal track record at correspondence?

Last weekend I said farewell to two of my friends, next weekend I shall be seeing off one more. Now add to this emotional cocktail the foreshadowing of six more departures in August, including my sister!  Eeeep! and you get an idea of how bruised my myocardial muscle is feeling these days.

This feckin February I have had the highs of :

• staying with a friends family for Lunar New Year
• having the best First Date Ever!
• really sweet affirmations of my teaching, my baking, my general ranking as a decent human being and friend

I have also had the lows of :

• best First Date ever turning into a idiot at the end of the night
• saying goodbye to three friends in one month
• having my father on the other side of the planet become incredibly sick (though thankfully is now on the mend)
• and I have bid farewell to 75 of my Kindergarten students as they graduated into elementary. I have taught these snot nosed cherubs every day for two years - that's almost a third of their lives people! It hurt like a vicious kick to the shins.

So roll on March. February, I've had my fill of you.

Counting Blessings

I had a pretty good weekend this week, it was busy - but then again here in Korea, I'm only NOT busy when I'm sick!  Still, in all the happy, hectic socialising there were lots of moments where I could only stop and give thanks.

There were several moments on Friday night, when I was out on a friend's hwaeshik (work dinner) when I was grateful for my friends here in Korea and particularly grateful that FDA will be staying for another year.
(partly because, aside from all her sterling qualities and endearing quirks, she is my very own Fellow Drama Addict. She and Lush are the only ones I can really spazz out over dramas with and I would be a very woebegone junkie indeed without those two girls.)

FDA stayed at my place that night, which meant that we both had company when we heard about the shooting in Connecticut.  We both had someone who didn't mind seeing us cry.  In all the horror, I was able to stop and give thanks that my Connecticut cousins, one of whom IS an elementary school teacher, were all far, far away from Sandy Hook.

That afternoon I had my language exchange. I am really loving these lessons! My tutor is delightful and I am really, deep down grateful for her.  She is training to be an elementary school teacher and has already cleared it with me that she is going to be quite strict.  Fine by me, I'm on a clock here people!  February 9th ain't gettin' any further away!
We were speaking about first impressions and how we were both nervous about meeting each other for the first time (as the meet was set up by the friend of a friend of a friend - yeah, tenuous or what?) and when she saw me for the first time, in my bobble hat and bear mittens, she instantly relaxed and knew we'd get on just fine!!

Sunday was the real icing on the cake in terms of maintaining an 'attitude of gratitude'. After church, MsAmused and I hotfooted it downtown to go to the farewell lunch of a very dear friend of ours.  I was sad to say goodbye to her, but in the corniest of cliches, I am more glad to have known her at all. I also have the prospect of seeing her in May to look forward to.  And on a day when I said farewell to one friend, I got to say 'Hello again' to another. Tiberius arrived back in SoKo for another stint and it was quite refreshing to say hello instead of goodbye!

After lunch, MsAmused and I went to Shinae for coffee and Christmas shopping with some friends and then six of us went to see 'The Hobbit'. This was the highlight of my month!  Waaaaay back in 2001, MsAmused and I went to the first Lord of the Rings movie together. We'd seen every other one together, as well as all the Harry Potter movies and I couldn't believe my luck that we would get to watch 'The Hobbit' together in South Korea.
Though if we are to finish the tradition properly, I need to start saving right now so I can fly back to Ireland for next Christmas!

So what I'm really, truly grateful for is that while my days here are incredilby busy - they are that way because I have so many good friends that I want to run around and spend time with  and at this time of year, when I am missing my family and friends back home, that is a very necessary blessing.

Panic Stations!!

I have 25 Korean words to learn before 1pm tomorrow afternoon, so naturally, I'm writing a blog post instead!

A month ago my darling, wonderful, incomparable Co Teacher asked if I would like to stay with her extended family for 설날, (Sol nal ) Lunar New Year in early February.
I was practically jumping up and down with delight at the invitation. Getting invited so share 추석 (Cheuseok) or 설날 with a family is a big, big deal and I was chuffed to bits that Co T would invite me.

Here's the thing, out of the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, only two of them speak english. 
So I had to get my 'game face' on and kick my Korean studying into high gear.
I've been coasting for the last year at comfortable beginner level. I can operate just fine in shops, restaurants and taxis - but ask me to formulate a sentence in casual conversation and you'll get to watch me do a first rate impression of a rabbit caught in the headlights!

For that reason, Lunar New Year is a wonderful focus for me.  It's a specific date to aim for, close enough to cause me palpitations, but far enough away that I stand a chance of achieving some real improvement.
Phase One of 'Operation Lunar New Year' started, also a month ago, on Tuesday evenings after work, my Co T and our Dept. Head and I go to a restaurant for dinner and exchange our diaries.  The two Koreans have written theirs in english and mine is in korean. We correct each others work and then slip into easy conversation. Each week my colleagues push me to speak more and more in korean.

And two weeks ago I met up with a friend of a friend of a friend (true story) for a language exchage.
Jeon Soon (her nickname) is a university student and we get on like a house on fire!  Luckily for me, she is training to be an elementary school teacher, so I think she'll keep me on the straight and narrow!
We meet at 1pm on Saturday afternoons. We speak english for the first hour so that Jeon Soon can practice, then we switch to korean for the second hour.  Like a proper student, I get homework, hence my need to learn 25 words for tomorrow.

I've also been tip toeing outside of my comfort zone with both friends and new aquaintences, speaking more korean than is necessary.  When it comes to meeting new people, I'm seriously considering writing up a flash card that says, "In english, I am funny and intelligent!" cos I sure ain't no sparkling wit in korean right now!!

   My new constant companion.

The Time / Friend Continuum

As I start my second year here, and brace myself for a second round of saying goodbye to friends leaving Korea, I've been thinking a lot about how making and maintaining friendships works differently for us ex-pats.

Back home, with no language barrier to overcome, I usually ended up befriending and socialising with most of my work colleagues, till my work and social life looked like a particularly cosy Venn diagram.
Here in Korea, with only two colleagues I can chat with easily in english, one of whom is a busy single mother, the two circles hardly overlap at all!

So evenings and weekends become my serious socialising time, allow me to illustrate:

• Monday  -  this used to be my Korean class night, though now it's blessedly free, for casual meet ups and   laundry.  We'll see how long I can hold out for!
• Tuesday - Breakfast in a coffee shop with Ms. Amused, as we try to do some writing and wrestle some semblance of order into our lives.   After work it's off to dinner with friends, or home for two hours before heading to yoga class at 9.
•  Wednesday - Dinner Club!  This night is a life saver for ten or so of us Waygookin girls. We take turns hosting a pot luck dinner at our apartments and discuss everything from feminism in Korea to favourite cartoon theme songs.
• Thursday - again, dinner with friends or sundry hair/nail/other appointments before yoga class at 9.
• Friday - phone teaching has me finishing work late, then off to salsa class before meeting Ms.Amused for pizza and wine and a Thank God it's Friday celebration!

It doesn't seem so much, written out like that, but remember into this schedule I also need to cram: cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, Skyping home, learning a foreign language, supporting a full blown Korean drama addiction........oh,yeah, and writing a blog!

Then there's the weekends - those two days which are held utterly sacrosanct by every ex-pat.
This is when we can get out and explore Korea, in carefully organised, bite size chunks.  These are the days for meeting the friends who live too far away or who work too late to see during the week. 
This is the time for trips to Seoul, Busan or any other city you fancy.      
Or, if we're staying in Ulsan, Ms.Amused and I get busy cooking up batches of curry, tuna pasta bake, Kimchi jjigae (korean kimchi stew) and other dishes which we can parcel up to feed us for the week.

Take such a busy timetable and mix it into the ex-pat experience and you will begin to understand the importance of the Time/Friend Continuum.
We are regularly meeting new people, both Koreans and fellow ex-pats, and the longer I am here, the more I find myself running them through a mental checklist before I will commit to spending time with them.

1. Are they a good person? Can I hold an intelligent conversation with them?
2. Where in the city do they live? Close to me or more like turn left at pluto? Will it, in the end, be a complete pain in the arse just trying to physically get to them?
3. How long will they be in Korea for? Are they leaving in two months or two years?  (Just before Christmas I met a girl who was going back to the States the next day. Upon learning that it was just for vacation and that she would be back, I blurted out, "Oh good! I'll remember your name then!"  I DID remember her name, we became great friends and now I'll be very sad to bid farewell to her at the end of this month.)
4. Can I shoehorn them into my existing schedule?  'Hey, wanna come to yoga class with me?!'

This probably seems very calculating, almost ruthless but it is for three good reasons:

ONE:  I already feel like I'm spinning plates....and doing it badly....trying to keep up with the friends I HAVE. So if I am going to start spinning an extra plate, it had better be worth it!

TWO:  Living so far from home, and for such a long time, your close friends become your de facto family.  Now, you can't choose the family you're born with, but if you don't select your surrogate family carefully and wisely, then you are nine kinds of stupid.
I had a sharp reminder of the importance of ex-pat families last week. One of my friends lost her grandmother, another was quite sick and yet another finished with her boyfriend.  Three very different problems, but all of them are times when you want your family around you.

THREE:  I am a damn good friend!  I will spend time with you. I will come see whatever performance, race or charity event you are taking part in. I will help organise your wedding or bring you chicken soup when you are ill.  I will help you study for your english exam or declutter your wardrobe.
Finally, after years of being a professional doormat, I am learning to surround myself only with friends who will also go the distance for me.

Disclaimer:  All of this must make me seem like such a picky little prig, but honestly, take a look at your own friends and you'll discover your own (possibly sub-conscious) check list.
Back home, with no ticking clock and a common language, if I met someone who, I don't know, didn't like Freddie Mercury, or thought that 'The Lord of the Rings' was for kids, I could afford to declare 'You are dead to me!'
But being part of the foreigner community here in Ulsan has actually broadened my friend horizons. 
I was always pretty open and tolerant about having friends of every religion and orientation, but now I'm learning to be that open and tolerant about music and movie tastes as well!  (much more difficult!)

Actually, no matter how tolerant I become, I could never be friends with someone who didn't love Freddie.

Farewell mes amies

Last Tuesday we had a 'Farewell Soiree' for the two founder members of our 'French Conversation in Ulsan' club.  They are heading back Stateside at the end of this month, so we had a evening of fun and frolics, but for a sad reason.
This was the first of what will inevitably be many goodbyes from the transient world of English Teachers in Ulsan.  It's a good job I'm making friends with 'Lifers' (long term foreigners) and actual Koreans, otherwise I'd go daft.

We had a feast of french breads, cheeses and pastries all washed down with lovely red wine while watching the hilarious 'Asterix et Obelix: Mission Cleopatra'.  Gerard Depardieu was born to play Obelix!





The evening took place at Founding French Girl's apartment.  There being five girls (only two guys) and lots of red wine, the evening quite naturally ended with manicures.  I quite like mine, don't you?

  

I will dearly miss these two girls.  French Conversation was my first small yet unbelievably effective step into building up a social life here and it had a real domino effect.  Out of it came Dinner Club, Tae Kwon Do and of course meeting my Ulsan Bestie: Lush!

Come September our few remaining members must come up with a great recruitment drive.  Speaking French in Korean restaurants is just too much hilariously, confusing, good fun to let it fade away.  Apart from anything else, when I am Facebook messaging the two girls I want to be able to honestly report that our little club is alive and well.

Vive la France!

P.S:  You should have seen the Kindergarten kids wig out over Kate-uh Teacha's manicure the next day.  They loved it!  (Which is of course, precisely why I did it!)