Fear. It's a curious beast.
An action which may seem mundane and positively ho hum to one person will give the next person a serious case of the heebie jeebies.
Take my friend Martha* for example. Martha is intelligent, vivacious and awesomely confindent.
When she finishes her time in Korea she will return home to set up TWO new businesses.
And yet, this powerful, independent go-getter would rather gnaw off her own foot than speak in public.
For myself, speaking in public is no problem at all. At school, on stage, in church, anywhere at all - I'll start declaming at the drop of a hat.
(if that hat could have small denominations dropped into it, well, so much the better!)
On the other hand, ask me to approach a stranger on the street to ask for directions in a foreign language, and you'll find me in the corner with Martha.....gnawing on my own foot.
For years I dreamed of moving to France, particularly to the south east, the Langue D'Oc region.
It is a country where I speak the language (functionally), where I know the food and the history, the legends and the customs. It is a simple two hour flight from home - and yet, I kept back pedalling and postponing, telling myself, "Next year in Carcassone!"
I was afraid that my french wasn't good enough, that I wouldn't, simply couldn't, make it on my own.
"What?! Stand in front of a classroom and teach english?! And demand payment for these paltry services?! Are you mad??"
"Rent an apartment and pay bills in another country!" That is something that grown ups can do.
I am not a grown up! My fraud would be discovered in no time.
So I dickered about the British Isles for a few years instead, doing nonsense jobs that I wasn't particularly interested in, because I was too scared to risk following my dream and failing.
Time passed, plans fell apart, and this contrary pilgrim who is too scared to move to France, where does she end up?
Korea!!
A country where I didn't read the alphabet, much less speak the language.
I didn't know the food or the history, the legends or the customs. And this patch of ground is a two DAY flight from home.
In fact, so vast was my ignorance of this country that I can tell you precisely what I knew about it before coming here.
Four things.
That's it.
I knew four things about a country the size of the United Kingdom and with a history spanning thousands of years. (hangs head in shame)
"And which four gems were these?" I hear you ask. Which four nuggets of wisdom had I garnerd on my way?
Though I suspect it has a lot to do with the fact that when I my original plans fell apart and I found myself applying for jobs absolutely everywhere in the world, I was simply too worn down to be scared.
When I tell people how I ended up in Korea, and that I could never have guessed in a million years how I would fall head over heels in love with the place, I often finish by remarking how much I relish that life can surprise me like this.
Perhaps though, what I really mean is that I love that I can surprise myself.
For here I am, on the other side of the world.
Without fear.
Flourishing.
* names have been changed to protect the innocent.
An action which may seem mundane and positively ho hum to one person will give the next person a serious case of the heebie jeebies.
Take my friend Martha* for example. Martha is intelligent, vivacious and awesomely confindent.
When she finishes her time in Korea she will return home to set up TWO new businesses.
And yet, this powerful, independent go-getter would rather gnaw off her own foot than speak in public.
For myself, speaking in public is no problem at all. At school, on stage, in church, anywhere at all - I'll start declaming at the drop of a hat.
(if that hat could have small denominations dropped into it, well, so much the better!)
On the other hand, ask me to approach a stranger on the street to ask for directions in a foreign language, and you'll find me in the corner with Martha.....gnawing on my own foot.
For years I dreamed of moving to France, particularly to the south east, the Langue D'Oc region.
It is a country where I speak the language (functionally), where I know the food and the history, the legends and the customs. It is a simple two hour flight from home - and yet, I kept back pedalling and postponing, telling myself, "Next year in Carcassone!"
I was afraid that my french wasn't good enough, that I wouldn't, simply couldn't, make it on my own.
"What?! Stand in front of a classroom and teach english?! And demand payment for these paltry services?! Are you mad??"
"Rent an apartment and pay bills in another country!" That is something that grown ups can do.
I am not a grown up! My fraud would be discovered in no time.
So I dickered about the British Isles for a few years instead, doing nonsense jobs that I wasn't particularly interested in, because I was too scared to risk following my dream and failing.
Time passed, plans fell apart, and this contrary pilgrim who is too scared to move to France, where does she end up?
Korea!!
A country where I didn't read the alphabet, much less speak the language.
I didn't know the food or the history, the legends or the customs. And this patch of ground is a two DAY flight from home.
In fact, so vast was my ignorance of this country that I can tell you precisely what I knew about it before coming here.
Four things.
That's it.
I knew four things about a country the size of the United Kingdom and with a history spanning thousands of years. (hangs head in shame)
"And which four gems were these?" I hear you ask. Which four nuggets of wisdom had I garnerd on my way?
- Korea is a country divided by war into North and South.
- Korea hosted the 1988 Olympics in Seoul.
- Korean high school students place very high in mathematics in international league tables. (Honestly, the flotsam and jetsom that sticks in your head from talk radio!)
- My Dad's Korean student told him that the Koreans were the Irish of Asia - but didn't explain why. (Then I got here and discovered, oh boy! Was she ever on the money!)
Though I suspect it has a lot to do with the fact that when I my original plans fell apart and I found myself applying for jobs absolutely everywhere in the world, I was simply too worn down to be scared.
When I tell people how I ended up in Korea, and that I could never have guessed in a million years how I would fall head over heels in love with the place, I often finish by remarking how much I relish that life can surprise me like this.
Perhaps though, what I really mean is that I love that I can surprise myself.
For here I am, on the other side of the world.
Without fear.
Flourishing.
* names have been changed to protect the innocent.
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