Why some Waygook women are blind.... or ..... The emasculation of the Asian male.

I haven't blogged for almost a month now, and not for lack of material, but rather lack of internet connection and then simple inclination.
But something happened this week which had my fingers itching for the keyboard, though it took me a day or two to get my thoughts in order.

I was out for the evening with four American girls and the conversation somehow meandered over to the topic of driving - and who were the worst:  Italians, Koreans or Vietnamese?
I said that having seen Korean drivers in action, I was in no hurry to buy a car.  One of the girls agreed with me, saying "..anyway, it's too big an investment when we're here for such a short time,"  To which I replied with a cheerfully emphatic, "Oh, I'll be here for years!"

Sweet momma - the shock on their faces!

It was as if I had just confessed that I was going to become a nun - they could see it was a worthy endeavour but it wasn't something they could ever do themselves!
"Why?!" they chorused in mystification.

I blinked back at them, equally confused by their incomprehension....."because I love it here.  I've never been happier anywhere else, and trust me, I thought nothing would ever beat living in Edinburgh!"

I was then asked to explain myself.

Seriously.
They asked me to list the things I love about Korea.  Now if you give me a few minutes to gather my thoughts I could spend all weekend praising this place.
In fact when I visited my friends, Goulash and Mrs. Goulash, in Yeosu a few months ago I did just that.
They were very kind to this poor, blithering idiot!


Put on the spot as I was my reply was a little uncoordinated.
"Well, for starters, I'm working at what is indisputably the cutest school in the whole country!"
I described the school, the kids and my incredible colleagues.
I gestured to the table, (we were in a Korean restaurant) "I love the food."
"I find Korean men very attractive."
I was moving on to the next item on my mental checklist when I noticed the return of 'The Shock!'
That last sentence really put the cat among the pigeons!
"You do??!!  But they're so girly!!"

I heroically choked back my gut reaction which was a loud, "are you feckin' kiddin' me?!" and attempted a more concilliatory response.

"Ok" I said "In the six months I've been here I've heard this from alot of American girls and it makes me wonder if it is because of the way Asian men were represented on American TV until recently.  You know, either Uber Geeks or Marital Arts superheroes, neither of whom get the girl."
This got a mixed response.  One girl demurred, "there aren't many Asian guys on TV" while the rest said, that's not it, they find American Asians to be very attractive.

Ok, now we were getting somewhere.  So we reached the conclusion that it wan't the men themselves they disliked, but rather the trappings, the hair and the clothes.

That's fair enough as far as it goes.  If.  And this is an important 'if'.  If you are in , not even a Western context, but a specifically Anglo-Saxon, 'we used to be in the British Empire' context.  Yes, I'm looking at you North America and Australia!
In any of these countries, if I saw a man dressed like this:

  then yes, I too would probably class him as gay - once I had checked that he wasn't Italian!

That's because once you step outside the ghost of the British Empire you find men all over the world who are well groomed, fashionably dressed and very, very straight.
I've grown up seeing and in fact teaching, French, Italian and Swiss men who dress like this one minute and tear up the rugby field the next.

So when I came to Korea it never once, not for a nano second, occurred to me to categorise Korean Flower Boys (the local term for 'Metrosexual') as effeminate.
And one need watch only one Bollywood movie to realise that there are Indian men who could make our Flower Boys look like Undertakers!

This was my mindset when I arrived.  Then I got here and actually started learning about the culture.  I learned how hard the kids work in school. Years and years of long days, wearing uniforms and regulation haircuts and working their asses off to get into top universities.
Then, either before or after university they have two years of military service.
Once again in uniform and with regulation haircuts, in a country - though in a long term ceasefire - is nonetheless still technically at war with a communist nuclear power.
This stuff is not for sissies!

So if, while they are in university and before they settle down to a steady job with wife and kids, these guys like to wear bright fashionable clothes and try 'interesting' hairstyles - well, quite frankly, I'd be more worried if they didn't!

  And while I'm comfortably mid-rant here, I'm going to go a little deeper and say that my criteria for masculinity has never been based on how a man dresses but on how he behaves.
To me real man is one who shows compassion to those around him, from his family down to the guy on the street.
He is someone who shoulders responsibility gracefully.
He understands that what he wants to do and what he has to do are not always the same thing, and even when they are, you must be prepared to work hard for it.

I have been blessed to know many men like this, both back home and in my travels around Europe.
I am utterly delighted to find them in absolute abundance here. 

But I have kept ye captive for long enough my lovelies, so I'll leave the cultural aspects of Korean masculinity for another day (week, month?).

So in a nutshell, what's the moral of the story? :

The next person to ask me why I like Korean guys is probably going to be told:

"Because I'm not an ignorant twit!"


*Sigh* I probably won't say it.  I'm too flippin polite.  But you know I'll be thinking it!!